My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
