I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
