she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
