Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize