I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
