i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
