to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
