True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
