Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize