1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
