You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
