also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
