Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
