Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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