I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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