Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
