Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
