Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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