Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
