i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
