Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
