I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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