I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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