I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
