Umm I'm too high to move.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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