Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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