you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Duck Duck Cougar?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
