Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
