I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
