Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
