she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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