The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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