i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
