Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The air taste purple.
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