Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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