I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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