I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
