3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
