I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Randomize
