just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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