At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
