walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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