saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
