he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
