scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
pop tarts are not kleenex
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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