as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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