Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
