My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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