I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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