I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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