Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
