im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
