guys are only as good as the porn they watch
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
