Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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