In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
