I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
