Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
