You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
