Will you blow on my dice?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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