Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
