it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
