I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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