i would punch a child for taco bell
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize